Monday, January 11, 2010
3 steps back
Today I went to the doctor with Kylee for a checkup. When we went back, I told the nurse that Kylee did NOT want to know her weight. So, she turned around backwards on the scale, the nurse wrote down her weight, and all was good. We went to the exam room and the nurse took her temperature and blood pressure. I asked about her blood pressure, which was still low but the same as last time, and then the nurse told her that she had gained 2 pounds. Dangit! She has anorexia, she knows how much she weighed last time we were there! Why, why, why??!!?? I could just see her confidence of the last few days start to diminish. I tried to explain that this was a good thing. Of course, part of her brain knows this, the part that is Kylee. But the other part of her brain, the ED part, had her in a puddle of tears. Those 2 stupid (wonderful!) pounds had ripped away all of the good mood and positive-ness that had been the Kylee of the past weekend. It truly pissed me off! But I have to remember that there will be days like this. I just have to accept it. Even if I don't want to. And I DON'T want to!