Thursday, December 31, 2009


In my research, (i.e. perusing the world wide web), I have made a discovery that makes so much sense to me. I don't even remember where I saw it at but it was like a revelation! I read that alot of times, kids who develope anorexia have also had OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder)! HELLO!!! My kid has ALL kinds of OCDs! And that makes so much sense. This whole stupid thing practically screams OCD. She is totally obsessed with food, the numbers, she has a routine that she has to go through before she can eat anything, there are all of these "rules". In a way, it makes going through this a little easier for me. I couldn't tell you why, but I'll take anything at this point!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

One day at a time

Today was a good day....I think. I'm pretty sure that Kylee ate 3 meals today which is an unbelievably good thing! She actually went into a resturant with me at lunch, something that she hasn't done since September. She didn't eat anything but she was there and that's a start. So, we got through today. Now we can move on to tomorrow. One day at a day at a time......

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Where I am, but don't want to be

When I decided to start this blog I was really excited about it even though I really didn't know what direction I intended for it to go. If you've read Tara Frey's book, "Blogging for Bliss", then you know that you should have a purpose for your blog. To be quite honest, I never really gave any thought to what "purpose" this blog should have....until now.

After many months of being in denial, I have finally admitted to myself that my middle daughter, Kylee, has anorexia, and with her permission I will be blogging about her illness and her recovery. I have tried to find other blogs by moms who have daughters suffering from this horrible condition but so far I haven't found any. There are numerous blogs out there by the girls themselves, so I know there are moms out there going through the same thing that I am. I just need an outlet and this is it, my little blog's purpose.

As a person who has spent her whole life on a diet and for probably 12 years had my own eating disorder, (I had bulimia all through high school and most of my first marriage), I have a hard time not blaming myself. But that's what we do as mothers, isn't it? We carry the blame and the guilt. It's hard not to. And it is so hard to watch your child wasting away. I can't kiss it and make it better or hold her til it goes away. Right now all I can do is pray for her, nag her to eat, deal with the insurance company and try, try, try to keep it together and keep my own sanity. So far, I am not doing so good on that last part.

So, we went to the doctor today to talk about the blood work she ordered a few weeks ago and to discuss the anti-depressant that she put Kylee on. The nurse weighed her and she weighed 94.2 pounds....down 3 pounds from a few weeks ago. Dr. J. talked to us about the test results and about what Kylee has been eating when she drops the bombshell on me that she didn't eat anything yesterday....not one single bite. This is devestating to me. My heart is broken.

This is where we are. I'm at a loss as to what to do next. We are in the process of getting her into therapy. I probably need therapy, too, who knows. But, I would really appreciate your prayers for my beautiful, quirky, intelligent daughter. She is truly so much more than this eating disorder.